Trauma and Grief When Leaving the New Age | Newage to Grace Believer

Trauma & Grief When Leaving the New Age

Sadly, even with the best guidance and support system when leaving the newage movement for Christianity, you might still experience trauma and grief. Yes, you are JOYFUL about coming to know Jesus and being saved and you might also really be enjoying starting to read the Bible, but some amount of trauma and grief is to be expected. The reasons for this include:

1) Friendships ending. Sometimes we have friendships that are based almost entirely upon our religious beliefs and lifestyle choices. When you make a drastic change from one faith to another, and you change your whole lifestyle, you might find that you no longer have a lot in common with that person. Add to it any awkwardness that might occur if you have given them the gospel and they reject it (politely or impolitely). You might also hang on to some of the closer friendships for awhile even if you have different beliefs, but you will probably find that over time you talk less often to them or see them less in person simply because you don't have a lot in common anymore. It can be painful too when we care so deeply for someone, but they refuse to believe the gospel. Certainly we are not to hound people or harass them with the gospel, but even just our casual mentioning of Jesus and scripture could be offensive to them just as their casual mentioning of newage teachings is offensive to us. Try as we might the friendship won't ever be the same. This can cause us some grief.

On the positive side of things, we can look forward to making whole new friends with similar beliefs and lifestyle choices. We can have new friends that we feel totally comfortable around and can just be ourselves and openly talk about Jesus and the Bible.

2) Changes in Relationships with Family or a Spouse. Our spouse and family members, including extended family and in-laws, really mean a lot to us. When we become believers, we want to share this good news with them first! We want to be that happy, Christian family that loves Jesus, worships and prays together, studies the Bible and makes more grace-based lifestyle decisions. However, it doesn't always pan out that way! Or, it might take a really long time, if at all, for our loved ones to be saved and to come unto the knowledge of the truth. And sometimes its our very own family that reacts the most negatively to hearing the gospel! They might call you names, laugh at you, ignore you, "ghost" you, keep bringing up your past and all of your current issues, call you a hypocrite, try and talk you out of your faith, argue and debate with you, mock you or even worse physically attack you, slander your name, lie about you, etc. Your spouse might even divorce you for it!

On the positive side, some or all of them might also choose to believe the gospel! All that live godly in Christ Jesus shall suffer persecution. It's inevitable that as believers we will face persecution in one form or another, but it's definitely more difficult when it comes from our own family and friends.

3) Loosing your community | You might now be feeling a little bit like an outsider, especially if you don't yet have a church or fellow believing friends. You might have fond memories of time spent with your old newage community like attending festivals, workshops, classes or events with them and now you are on a whole new path. It's OK to grieve the past but to keep allowing yourself to let it go. It's no longer who you are. Now, you can start to create a new community of grace believers and look for Christian Bible study groups or classes and other Christian events that you could attend.

4) Releasing the Old Self

You will never be exactly the same again after you have been saved. This is a good thing! Your flesh doesn't change, but on the inside you are now a whole new creature in Christ Jesus. You might find that as you believe the gospel and start to learn sound grace doctrine, that some of your interests begin to change too while other things are basically the same. For example, you might desire to dress more modestly or give up an addiction. At the same time however you might find that you still like a lot of things that you've always liked (certain movies, music, books, etc). You might also begin to question if a believer should like those things or not. Certain things about you will change while other things won't. You might even "miss" certain things. As a newager we really look at the world with rose-colored glasses on. But as a believer, we understand that there really is good AND evil in the world. We also understand that Satan and demons do exist, which the newage denies, as well as an eternal hell. It's a lot of changes to our understanding of things and you might have some days where you wish you didn’t know as much as you do now.

The positive side is of course that now that you are a new creature in Christ and have more understanding, you can now begin to truly serve God! You can also begin to truly grow spiritually and earn rewards for heaven by reading, studying, meditating upon, believing and obeying God's word rightly divided.

Give yourself time to adjust to your new way of living and looking at life. Try to take a grace approach to making changes in your life instead of being legalistic.

4) Letting Go of Newage Traditions, Rituals and Practices

One of the hardest things is changing your spiritual routine. You might have started and ended your day before with newage prayers, meditations and other practices. It can be a huge change to let that go.

The good news is that you can replace those spiritual practices with new ones. Remember, a spiritual practice as a grace believer isn't about trying to earn your salvation or trying to maintain your salvation. A daily spiritual routine can be for spiritual growth as well as to help calm your nervous system and increase overall well-being.

Here are some suggestions:

Prayer | It's okay if you don't yet really know yet how to pray as a believer! Just pray from your heart, and continue to study God's word rightly divided, and over time your prayer life will improve.  God knows your heart. I like to study the Apostle Paul's prayers to see how grace believers are to pray today- he focused primarily on spiritual things in his prayers like the edification of fellow believers.

Guidance | For guidance, learn to seek guidance from God's word rightly divided. The more that you read and study scripture, the more you will be able to make healthy grace-based decisions in life.

Calming Anxiety/Nerves and Help With Sleep | If you need help with insomnia or if you have anxiety issues, instead of newage practices, try listening to some Bible meditations or Bible verses on Audiobooks or YouTube. There are also apps that have Christian meditations and scripture that can help you feel calm and relaxed. You could even just try listening to gentle music or nature sounds too. It's okay to practice basic meditation where you are just taking in deep breaths and not really focusing on much, just enjoying a quiet moment or two. Quiet time can be really healing and helps relieve stress, especially if you are a highly sensitive person. You can also meditate on scriptures - find a Bible verse and really think it over for awhile. I also like to sometimes imagine what heaven might be like and what it will be like when there is a new heaven and a new earth. Journaling is also a sort-of meditative practice.  Try Journaling about your new faith and you could also try keeping a gratitude journal to help you stay focused on all that you are thankful to God for.

Bible Study | Bible study is absolutely essential for spiritual growth and to allow Christ to live in and through you. Without Bible study you will automatically think just like the world thinks. It's great to start or end the day with Bible study but it's OK to do it at anytime of the day. It's also okay if you skip a day or two or you just need a break to digest some things in scripture that you have recently learned. You won't loose your salvation (we can never loose our salvation once we are saved!) and God won't be mad at you or anything like that. But do try to think of it as "daily bread" -- essential for your spiritual health. You can do a Bible in a year program if you've never read the whole Bible. Bible Audiobooks are great to listen to as well. Learning how to study the Bible verse by verse is invaluable. On my website I have verse by verse studies going through the book of Romans which is foundational doctrine for the believer today. Try to read and study Romans first.

Add Some Fun | Bible Journaling, Bible coloring books and watching Bible and Christian movies and TV shows can be a fun way to bring God's word into your life. This shouldn't replace regular Bible study, but can be a great addition to your daily routines. Try listening to a variety of gospel music and hymns and see which ones you like best. You could read devotionals too but don't replace your personal Bible study with devotionals. I look for devotionals with an emphasis on grace.

These are just some ways to replace your old newage practices.

5) Uncertainty and Being a "newbie" Christian | As a new believer, it can sometimes feel like a lot of pressure sometimes to "get everything right" when it comes to understanding doctrine. It doesn't help if we are sharing things on social media about our new faith because sometimes people online don't always give a new believer any grace. We need to also give ourselves grace and understand that God doesn't expect us to just know and understand everything right away - it takes time to mature in the word. It might also be a little intimidating trying to find a good church or Bible study group. When we are new believers, we are often "on fire for Jesus!" and not everyone understands our enthusiasm. At the same time, because we are new believers we might still be mixing newage and other worldly teachings with Christianity and so others might notice this and say things about it - either kindly or unkindly. You may also be getting mixed messages about doctrine from Christendom too!

It can also be difficult when we start making changes in our lifestyle choices. We may be unsure about things like marriage, modesty, parenting, etc. These big and even little changes can feel overwhelming at times, even though they are positive changes. If we are following legalistic teachings, we might put far too much pressure on ourselves and make too drastic of changes in our lives such as with our appearance or with food choices etc (like thinking that women have to wear a headcovering or can't wear any makeup at all, etc).

The most important thing that you can do is give yourself some grace and spend some time reading and studying the book of Romans which is foundational doctrine for the believer today. Romans will help you to be established in sound grace doctrine, which is essential for understanding things like saved by grace through faith alone, eternal security, who you are in Christ, how to live by grace through faith, dispensational changes, serving God, fellowship, etc. It might also be helpful to take a long break from social media, if you feel like there's too much pressure or negative comments there regarding your new faith. You don't owe it to anyone to post everything online about your spiritual life. At a future time, when you feel more established in sound grace doctrine, then you can share more with others if you want to. For now you can just share a basic but clear Gospel message with others (1 Cor 15:1-4) and not really try to teach more advanced doctrine until you are more established in the faith.

6) Realizing you've been wrong for years; mistakes you made as a newager; teaching others wrong.

It's also traumatic to realize that something that you have believed in, perhaps for many years, is false. Even worse, if you taught newage to others as well. You can have a lot of shame, guilt and fear about it.

The good news is that from the moment that you were saved, you were forgiven all past, present and future sins! You are a new creature in Christ now! You have the very righteousness OF God imputed to you! Amazing! To fully understand this, and to help you overcome any thoughts and feelings of shame, guilt and fear it's important to study the Pauline epistles, beginning in Romans. 

Remember also that ALL believers have been deceived in one way or another before salvation and often even after salvation! You are not alone or unique in this. Christ Jesus came to save us. It's also important to start letting the past go, and pressing forward in a positive direction with the Lord. The Apostle Paul said,

Philippians 3:13-14 KJV

Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before, I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus.

7) Questioning Your Judgment / Uncertain about Various Doctrines

You might also start to question your decision. Maybe you had to give up a newage business, and now you have no income or feel like you lost your sense of purpose, so with those drastic changes you might start to question your decisions. This is just a phase and will pass, especially if you continue in Bible study and prayer. Finding a grace church or Bible study group can also be helpful. Overtime, you will find that you have special gifts that you can bring to the church the body of Christ. Maybe you are really good at making inspirational images with scripture verses on them for social media, or you could eventually use YouTube to share the gospel and teach others sound grace doctrine. Or maybe your gifts are something like being encouraging to fellow believers in your church or taking care of children in the nursery. Whatever it might be, as you become more established in the faith, your gifts will start to really come forth.

It can also be overwhelming to try and figure out which church, group or denomination you agree with the most. I actually don't recommend joining a church immediately. Start by reading the book of Romans first and learning about mid-acts rightly divided bible study. Midacts is not a denomination, but a way to study the Bible. I definitely recommend staying away from any group or denomination that teaches legalism - that is, teaching that you have to do works to earn your salvation or to maintain your salvation. In my next podcast I'll be talking more about the importance of rightly divided bible study.

Video