Unbelieving Husbands | Biblical Womanhood and Homemaking

Unbelieving Husbands

One of the most difficult things for a godly Christian woman is to have a husband who is either an unbeliever or even who is a carnally-minded believer (someone who believes the gospel unto salvation but either has no interest in Bible study, or is very liberal or legalistic in their understanding of scripture). Maybe you made the decision to marry an unbeliever thinking that he might change (we are not to marry unbelievers but if you are already married, then what's done is done - see 2 Cor 6:15) or maybe you married him before you were saved. Either way, it is difficult because it puts far more pressure on the wife and mother to have to be the spiritual head of the family. Your children are less likely to believe the gospel or to choose to study the Bible and live godly if they only have one believing parent, especially in today's culture. It's hard enough with two believing parents! Even if you don't have children, being with someone who is an unbeliever or carnally minded believer will still be difficult at times.

You will also have different world views, especially if you are a rightly dividing, (and Bible believing), grace believer. You will more than likely have different opinions on a variety of issues like how to raise your children and your children's education and even seeing things differently regarding finances, politics, science, entertainment, world history, etc and have some different moral values as well.

That being so, a Christian woman is still to be submissive unto her own husband. As I had talked about in a previous study, biblical submission is not about the husband abusing or being legalistic with his wife. Abuse should never be tolerated. But as long as your husband isn't asking you to sin, and isn't being abusive to you or your children, we are to submit to them. Even in marriage, God and His word rightly divided HAS to come first! We submit to Christ first and foremost. So, you need to have a firm and clear understanding of God's word to help you make better decisions in life. If your husband gets upset over your godly decisions, oh well! We will all have to stand before the judgment seat of Christ. Your husband being upset by your godly decisions in life is just a part of our sufferings as believers. Yes, we want our marriages to work out, but NOT at the cost of grieving the Holy Spirit in us. Plus, we cannot just go along with sin because it will wreak havoc in our lives here and now as well.

Colossians 3:17-18 says, "And whatsoever ye do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God and the Father by him. Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord."

If you notice, it says that whatever we do in word or deed, we are to do it in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ (allowing Christ and His word to live in and through you), giving THANKS to God and the Father. So, we submit to our husbands, even an unbelieving husband (again, as long as he's not asking you to sin or go against your own understanding of scripture) by allowing Christ and His word to live in and through us and we are to do it with thankfulness. If we try to do this in our own efforts (by the flesh) we will fail and burn out, plus it will not lead to rewards in heaven or bring glory to God. So, regular Bible study and meditation on God's word rightly divided, believing it and obeying it is how we can obey our husbands.

So, for example, if you are convinced by Gods word rightly divided that women are to be keepers at home full-time, but he wants you working full-time outside of the home, if you submit to him above your own convictions from God's word, he's actualluly causing you to sin. Then, you are both in sin! We have to make our choices in life based upon our own understanding and convictions of God's word rightly divided, not based upon someone else's opinions or worldly wisdom. If you just obey him even though you see things differently in scripture, then you are making him your god! This can include even a godly, believing husband. God and His word has to come first, even if it causes us to suffer.

But, if your husband asks you, for example to keep a decent monetary budget, then you should submit to that. There isn't anything sinful about keeping a budget, though it might be difficult for our flesh! This is just an example.

We are also NOT to be preachy to our husbands (even with husbands who are believers). If you have a believing husband then certainly you can enjoy Bible study together and discussions about God and His word. But with an unbelieving husband, we are to win our husbands over without the word. This has got to be one of the most difficult things especially for a godly grace believing woman who understands God's word rightly divided! This doesn't mean never sharing the Gospel with them. You can share a clear gospel message at least once, but if he's not willing to believe and especially if hes contentious about it, then hopefully as he sees Christ living in and through you, he will eventually come to believe the gospel unto salvation. But after that we are NOT to nag our husbands, even with something as important as their very own salvation!

1 Peter 3:1-2

“Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word [are unbelievers], they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear."

Yes, this verse is to Israel during the tribulation period, but the teachings directed specifically to women in both the prophetic program and our mystery program are similar. This is because God's roles for men and women are the same in all dispensations until the rapture when we no longer have gender roles.

Chaste conversation means: "not engaging in sexual relations outside of your marriage [not even watching, reading or listening to anything sinful or inappropriate]; free from obscenity [no fowl language, no course jokes, no "sexy selfies", etc]; decent: undefiled or stainless: pure in style; not excessively ornamented; simple."

Of course, we all sin even as believers and we all make mistakes, especially if we are new believers or new to understanding God's word rightly divided, but by allowing Christ and His word to live in and through us (walking in the Spirit) we can become more chaste and holy in our lifestyle choices.

We are also NOT to divorce a husband simply because he is an unbeliever or a carnally-minded believer. However, if he leaves you because of your faith (which does happen sometimes), then let him leave, there is nothing more you can do. We can just hope that they won't leave and do our best to love them even if they are not saved, and to submit to them, but beyond that if they decide to leave simply because of your faith, you have done all that you can do.

1 Corinthians 7:13-15 says,

13 And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him.

14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy.

15 But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace.

Whatever decisions we make in life need to be based upon our own understanding of God's word rightly divided, not based upon what the culture (or even religion and tradition!) is teaching today.

If you have a believing husband that is more carnally-minded - if he's just not interested in scripture, or has very liberal views on the Bible, or very legalistic views, this can also be very difficult, but again we are not to nag our husbands with trying to force them to learn right division and the grace message. He could also possibly be won over as he sees Christ living in and through you instead. We have to be patient because in many cases it could take many years if at all!

I do also recommend still looking for the good in your marriage, being prayerful about it, and staying hopeful for your husband to be "saved and to come unto the knowledge of the truth". Your longsuffering is not for nothing! Suffering produces in us patience, experience and hope. This leads also to eternal rewards in heaven.

Romans 5:3-5 says,

"3 And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience;

4 And patience, experience; and experience, hope:

5 And hope maketh not ashamed; because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us."

We are really only on this earth for a short time compared to all of eternity. We have to stay heavenly minded about things. You might suffer with an unbelieving spouse or a believing spouse who's carnally-minded, but that suffering won't last forever and it could possibly even cause you to grow even more spiritually. Just keep studying God's Word rightly divided for yourself to learn more about what God teaches us regarding marriage and allow Christ to live in and through you in all things.

Final note: the unbelieving western world scoffs at the idea of traditional roles for men and women. However, we are to exalt and believe God's word over the culture, religion and the wisdom and traditions of men. In fact, the modern culture is on-par with Satan's course for this world. These unbelievers, or carnally minded Christians, might mock us, laugh at us and call us fools but this is to be expected.

1 Cor 1:

25 Because the foolishness of God is wiser than men; and the weakness of God is stronger than men.

26 For ye see your calling, brethren, how that not many wise men after the flesh, not many mighty, not many noble, are called:

27 But God hath chosen the foolish things of the world to confound the wise; and God hath chosen the weak things of the world to confound the things which are mighty;

28 And base things of the world, and things which are despised, hath God chosen, yea, and things which are not, to bring to nought things that are:

29 That no flesh should glory in his presence.

Ephesians 2:2

2 Wherein in time past ye walked according to the course of this world, according to the prince of the power of the air [Satan], the spirit that now worketh in the children of disobedience:

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